Chapter One
(A tale featuring Molly, Vince McMahon, and the WHOLE RAW LOCKER ROOM)
Mick Foley: Hey Vince, what's up?
Vince McMahon: Mick, I've changed.
Mick: What do you mean?
Vince: ?!?
Mick: Well, you say that you've changed, but you still look like the same very old and very orange dictator and monopolist of the wrestling world that you have always been!
Vince: You've got me wrong, Mick. I'm a changed man. I had an epiphany last night, an out of body experience. Mick, ummmm...we're FRIENDS right?
Mick: If you have a check for a large sum of money ready to give to me, Vince, then SURE! I'm your friend!!!
Vince: Mick, promise me something. On your life, now. Mick, have you ever seen the movie 'The Blood Waters of Doctor Z'?
Mick: The movie about the guy who wanted to rule the world so much that he turned himself into a catfish?
Vince: Yes, Mick, that's the ONE. Now look, I thought it was just a movie, but Mick, the damn things are REAL. Two of them came by last night and threatened to lower my sperm count the HARD WAY if I didn't...if I didn't...Oh, god, Mick, I know it sounds crazy, and I know you don't believe me, I don't believe it myself!
Mick: Waitaminute, Vince, what were their names?
Vince: Ummmm, Lidcroft and Spence. They SAID they answered to some guy named S the Underground. Oh Mick, are you saying that you believe me?
Mick: Of course, Vince! I hang out with Lidcroft and Spence ALL the TIME! They're a real hoot, Vince, you know...aside from that whole world domination thing. And Vince, I hope you get to meet their publicist. He's a real nut!!!
Vince: What's HIS name?
Mick: Oh, ummmm Gary.Gary, I think. Gary is a great guy.
(Later, over a romantic dinner, Vince, Mick, The Rock,Evolution and Gail Kim discuss the particulars of the encounter)
Gail: Guys, despotic CATFISH? If I hadn't seen Micks' photos, I would never have believed...
Mick: But they're swell guys, Gail. Especially Gary. He's great!!!
Ric Flair: WHOOOOOO!!!!
Vince: Ric, you know of them, too?
Ric: No, I don't. But I DO know how to strut and go, WHOOOOOO!!!
HHH: Vince, they have got to be stopped!!! What if they come here, and want ME to put them over? It won't happen, Vince, not a chance! Batista, what do you think?
Batista: (Batista just looks around, confused)
Randy: Hunter, remember, Batista DOESN'T talk..!
Batista: (Nods head in agreement with Randy)
The Rock: No worries Vince, I'll put them over! Just after my new movie, "Cobra 2:The Death of Tony" is completed, I'll be back and ready to job for the catfish!!! If YOU SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLL-LLLLL-LLLLLLLL...what The Rock...is...cookin'!!!
Crowd cheers, and it is DEAFENING!!!
Vince: Where in the hell did that crowd cheering come from, we were having a romantic dinner, just the bunch of us, and Rocky cuts a promo, and gets the biggest pop of the night!!!
Mick: Rocky is a great guy!!!!
Gail: Rock, can you teach me something about presence, and how to get a reaction from the crowd?
HHH: Let's cut to the chase. Vince, these world-dominating catfish, would you say that they were, in any way...legendary?
Vince/Mick: Of COURSE they are. They hold a legendary place in B-movie popular culture.
HHH: Well, we have a legend-killer right here. We got Randy Orton. Problem solved. Ric, stop guzzling all the Wild Turkey!!!
Ric: WHOOOOOOOO!!!
Vince: It's not that simple, Game. They came to me in my weakest moment, and I saw them, Hunter. I saw, I SAW..!
Batista: What?
Everybody: SHHHHH!!!
Vince: Guys, they want me to push Molly all the way to the top, and they want me to do it...NOW. I'm sorry.
The Rock: Well, what's wrong with that, Vince? Molly is FINE. I personally agree with this guy, his name is Arlando, and HE says that Molly is the best looking woman in the WWE. And what HE says goes.
Garrison Cade, Lita, Matt Hardy and Jazz storm in.
Jazz: Vince, it's BEGUN!!!
Vince: ...no..!
Garrison: It's on the news, Vince! ON THE NEWS!!!
Vince: Turn it on..!
As they watch the news report doling out gory detail after gory detail of random catfish-men feasting on innocent blood and devouring human hearts, they are surrounded by malefic, despotic catfish-men, who materialize out of NOWHERE.
Catfish #1: You see,Vince, you TRULY see what we intend? Not to rule the world, but we intend to see Molly Holly get pushed...all the WAY to the top! Molly main-eventing at WrestleMania...Molly doing Stacker-2 commercials...Molly getting to cut 10-minute promos like YOU, Rock!!!Triple H!!!MICK FOLEY!!!It's going to happen. And to ensure that it does, I have taken over the minds of some of your greatest WWE Superstars!!!To wit, Lance Storm! Mark Henry! LILIAN GARCIA!!!It has BEGUN!!!Cry, SHEEP!!! CRY!!!
Vince: Oh no, what'll we do, guys? What'll we DO?!?
• Chapter Two •
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