Tajiri: He's barely better off than The Hurricane-but bear in mind, that only goes as far as his team with Rhyno goes. If that goes nowhere, he is 'Cane: a charismatic, high-impact cruiserweight type who is on the wrong...bloody...show. He should be sent back to SD ASAP-immediately-before more harm is done. This guy deserves much better than this...especially as one of the few cruiserweights who I honestly feel could make a legit stir in the heavyweight rankings. But he is allowed to do nothing. I pine for the days of ECW, where this guy wrestled, brawled and just plain did it all. But this is the WWE, which means that in Tajiris' case, the booking is actually consistent...consistently against guys of his stature. The WWE continues to drop the ball.
The Hurricane: I don't know who Sugar Shane pissed off to pull the shit detail here, but 'Cane is doing HARD TIME in the WWE of late, and the only time he gets out to see the light of day is when The Rock shows up to diss him and Rosey and give them donuts. A really talented high-impact type cruiserweight who is Chris Kanyon-like in his ability to innovate incredible complex moves (Vertebreaker, anyone?). It is a goddamn shame that he is stuck in lower-midcard hell with Rosey (the RJLA-Raw Justice League of America) and has to job to everyone he works with. He and Simon Dean could make money together, as they are both innovative, high-impact types. Their styles could really mesh. But they have worked together for quite a bit now in S.Deans early Raw career, and nothing innovative or high-impact has taken place. Which means they are being held down, but especially 'Cane is being held down. Which means that while the booking in 'Canes' instance is consistent-all he's done for the last couple of years is job-consistently SHITTY booking is nothing to be proud of. Fuck the WWE for this.
Tyson Tomko: There's no reason why this guy is still with the company. They released Jazz and Gail Kim and 'Custom Chucky P.' (Chuck Palumbo)* and A-Train, but kept this guy? Ugh. What exactly is he bringing to the table?
(*'Custom Chucky P.' was well on its way to becoming the worst singles gimmick in the WWE since The Mantaur and Isaac Yankem, D.D.S. It sucked, it reeked, it just plain stank. Ugh. Abyssmal. I curse whoever was responsible for that. The WWE gets the Mollyopoly 'Cuckoo-for-Cocoa Puffs' Award for doling out this shitty, shitty gimmick. 'Custom Chucky P'....can't you love me?)
Val Venis: He's been held down so long that he seems to have lost the will to succeed. The fire seems to be gone. His work hasn't improved, he clearly has no real zest to perform the Adult film star gimmick anymore (and really, who else would?), and now he's bald...with the same porn star gimmick. 'Stone-Cold' Harry Reems,anyone? Believe me, Harry Reems would be booked over The Big Valbowski at this point. There is no longer any reason to watch this guy perform, and he is in the perfect role right now as far as the WWE is concerned. He's on Heat, wrestling indy talent and jobbing to established talent. He was at one point a tremendous microphone worker with very credible in-ring skills. I find it hard to believe that those things are simply no longer there. In a perfect world, someone outside of the WWE would give this guy a shot at REAL stardom, give him a REAL gimmick that can't hold him down, and would watch him make BIG MONEY for their promotion. In other words, I think Val ain't giving it his all because the company he works for shits on him.
Viscera (?): Reputedly one of the nicest guys in the company and one of the safest BIG men to work with, Viscera (what a cool-ass name) is in the ideal/only role for him: jobbing to established talent. Never had a problem with the Viscera gimmick, never had a real problem with him...other than that ugly feud he had with Mark Henry way back in Henrys' 'love affair with Mae Young' days. Vomit. Now, again...Viscera is doing a great service in the WWE:putting over people. But to do that one needs to have some credibility himself. Take his match on 1/17/2005 with Batista. Some would say that a 500-lb. man needs no push, and there is some truth to that, but Batista would have gotten more out of that one if Viscera had been built up a little better, or more pertinently...if the match itself had gotten built up a little better the week beforehand.
William Regal: Perfectly fine in his role. I'd rather him be a heel, but he makes for a very underrated and effective babyface. Helps give Eugene credibility, and gives any match with him in it credibility. The one flaw with Regal is the same flaw he's always had: his style is so unconventional that it's hard to find people who can have a great match with him. But he is tremendous on the mic, has a dignified charisma all his own, and HE owns. Much ups to William Regal.
THE REEL-TO-REEL:
Anybody else notice how the movie Catwoman just looks stupid? Well, it's not. Believe it...I own Future War, The Creeping Terror, Funland, Killer Tongue and New York Cop and I've got a pretty good handle on what 'stupid' is. It's a comic-book flick, and it works-IMO-better than stuff like the last two Batman flicks, either X-Men movie and sludge like The Hulk and Daredevil. It's no Blade 2 (hell, what is?) but it runs circles around Blade 3. Wanna know why? Halle Berry. I thought she would fail miserably trying to play Catwoman. But she pulls out all the stops, and delivers. It's a role that calls for charisma and sexiness and she delivers and then some. Halle Berry = HOT. So ignore the cardboard script, and the lame villains, and watch Halle Berry do her thing.
By the bye, never-EVER-watch the movie The Forgotten. Ever. Even if someone pays you to watch it. Unless you are being given a titanic sum of non-sequential large bills, leave this silly film alone. In all fairness, the first 1:20 minutes were fine. Not great, just alright. The last 7:00 of this movie (yeah, that's right...a 1:27 minute film....how often does that happen?) will kill not just you, but whatever respect you may have had for Julianne Moores' ability to choose a good script. Ugh. All in all, a by-the-numbers alien-abduction film with a strong 1995 feel to it, with a ridiculously ridiculous ending-even the alternate ending was horrible. Unfortunately, the movie came out in 2004, so its' 'strong 1995 feel' was most likely one of a long list of mistakes in this film. This movie will push sales of Anusol into the upper-stratusphere.
THE PORTION OF THE COLUMN THAT PUTS THE MOLLY IN MOLLYOPOLY:
There just ain't much to say. Hasn't been for some while. Mollys' not on T.V.-I don't know where she is-and I'm gonna end issue # 23 on this note:
Molly is better than:
---ham on rye.
---Google.
---Geico.
---The 'Gun Episode' of My So-Called Life.
---Air Force Retirees.
---The Atkins Diet.
---Solar Flares.
---Pangaea.
---Beverly D'Angelo.
---Predator traps from the Late Jurassic Cleveland-Lloyd site.
---Any of the Baldwin bros.
---Any Liz Phair album.
---A guy I know named Earl.
---Lutherans.
---West-Coast hip-hop.
There. I think that sums it all up pretty nicely.
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