Exclusives | Columns | Arlando | Issue #19
If my past stays in Mark-dom, USA, have taught me anything, it is to always beware the flavor of the month...even if that flavor comes in Demon-flavored ice-cream. The push itself is in some ways, the tell. What is ANYONE-not just Bat-but ANYONE doing squashing the former World Tag Team Champions in about 5 minutes on Raw? And I mean anyone. I never like it when that happens. I hated it when Rocky did, when Austin did it, anybody. But at least there is a context that could be adhered to. How about this: the face gets DOMINATED the whole match, and just gets extremely lucky, or gets some outside interference and wins that way? Like I said, I hate it when real tag teams lose handicap matches to anyone...but at least this way, the team in question doesn't look like total garbage. The tag team division on Raw is now officially done. And its a no-sell to me; Rob Conway and Sylvain Grenier are both well put-together. It's not a no-sell that Batista could have been dominated the whole match and just simply caught La Res at a moment when they weren't paying attention and won. But what went down on Monday night? I've seen it before. I've seen it with Goldberg. With Brock Lesnar. And I disliked both men (Goldberg forever;Brock initially) for it. They didn't do the booking, but they were being shoved down my throat...and I didn't like it. I kind of like to pick who I want to mark out for on my own, you know? And that's where it is now with Bat. The shoving of yet another worker down my throat is beginning. He very predictably took the Rumble. And not predictably in a good way. He was getting over just fine without the added emphasis. But I remember this guy when he was just Evolutions' heavy, as likely to LOSE a match as he was to win it, with no singles title reign, and no real extended feud prior to his tiff with Trips right now. The current incarnation of Batista as an unstoppable juggernaut just does not sit well with me taking his character just prior to the push into account. The WWE seems to be screwing it up again, the only difference is that a lot of people are enjoying the spectacle of it all. Overnight, Bat goes from also-ran to God without any kind of feud or title reign to get his (and our) feet wet, while squashing all the way...am I wrong for watching WWE programming on only the most intermittent of basis these days? Is WM21 in that much trouble from a booking standpoint that they are forced to speed up the Bat experiment and continue to force feed us their failed experiment, Randy Orton? My Lord, even the Batista turn was predictable. And the Flavor 'O' the Month Syndrome is starting to very quickly wear off. I am not seeing a main-event caliber worker here. What I am seeing is a Goldberg for the new millenium. And the WWE may just suffer for it. As a matter of fact, here: until Bat learns how to work some semblance of a match, and learns how to sell, I'm calling him Bat-berg. And his spinebuster/powerbomb combination, which is really nothing more than a squash sandwich, will be called The Bat-burger. Because there is no other way.

It's little things like this that keep me away. It's little things like this that force my hand and make me look deeper and say...'I'm not going to mark out for this guy...because I don't want to be told to. If he's really got 'it,' than the mega-push would not be needed at all, now WOULD it?'

I actually like Batistas' character-his former one-the silent, menacing heavy. The God Batberg, with his menacing scowl and blood-curdling roar who smites his adversaries with his deadly Batburger...that Batista? I liked him, too.

For all of three weeks.

THE PORTION OF THE COLUMN THAT PUTS THE MOLLY IN MOLLYOPOLY:

People don't get it. People just don't understand. No, scratch that. It's not that people don't understand...they just don't want to understand. To wit:

Molly>>>>>Wesley Snipes.
Molly>>>>>J.Lo.
Molly>>>>>Jimmy Eat World.
...and Korn.
...and Chevelle.
...and P.O.D.
Molly>>>>>Steve Irwin.
Molly>>>>>Terri Irwin.
Molly>>>>>Tara Reid.
Molly>>>>>White slavery.
Molly>>>>>Jeeper's Creepers 2.
Molly>>>>>Vince McMahon's canned tan.
Molly>>>>>telemarketers.
Molly>>>>>The San Antonio Spurs.
Molly>>>>>the banjo.
Molly>>>>>The Matrix 1,2 and 3.
Molly>>>>>WM21.
Molly>>>>>Batbergs' push.

There, you see? When put in those terms-in this way-it is clear to me that Molly owns, and very little of anything else does. Molly rules...with the most cogent factor of this statement being that this is the absolute truth.

So there.

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