Now, this would give Molly an impetus to get back to the active Raw roster, because she now has a whole lot of people she needs to take vengeance upon. So instead of just staying crazy, or even becoming a 'fun' crazy, she becomes the WORST kind of crazy...because THESE are the types of crazie that end up getting out of the joint: The Crazy-Like-A-Fox crazies. Let's just say Molly puts on one hell of a show for the institution people administering her that newfangled antipsychotic medication. Intensive case-management and cognitive-behavioral tests...Molly goes through it all with the patience of a crocodile and quickly sees herself OUT of the institution, and back on the WWE Raw active roster. She now has to put on a good show for Bisch and the WWE, so she could turn face for a few months, while biding her time to eventually turn on Gail and/or Victoria...because the hatred still exists within her, even though she does a GREAT job of hiding it in this storyline. The main thing missing in feuds with the women is the same level of intensity and physicality that you find with the men...so we would have to amend that here. I'm not at all for women blading. I AM for this, though: At the height or at the conclusion of this angle, whether Molly is feuding with Gail or Victoria or both, they should wrestle in a steel cage. They should work as stiffly as they are comfortable with in that steel cage,and they should be given the opportunity to tell as good a story as they can in that steel cage. We're trying to get this feud with Molly/Victoria/Gail over as the feud to end all Women feuds, and a cage is a good place to start. It could also get over all three women as the standard bearers of the WWE Women's Division. It would also-and this is important-reestablish Molly as the WWE's preeminent female worker.
The frustrating part of coming up with stuff like this is 1) it's never gonna happen in the WWE-or anywhere else, for that matter; and 2) the worker that I'm writing for may or may not be capable of pulling it off. WHAT? Hey, I love Molly as much as the next guy or girl, but I'm gonna be objective here, and see if I can alienate any more of you and make you NOT read my column (if my earlier rant on Iraq-affairs did not). I present to you:
THE DEVIL'S ADVOCATE
In The Devil's Advocate, I turn mark-dom on its pointy, puerile head and look at things as though I didn't like Molly at all. The things you find out are interesting...to say the least.
The first thing you find out if you are the anti-Molly mark is that it's not as though the WWE doesn't keep giving Molly chances to shine. They do. They do it a lot, in fact. She has been involved in a lot of angles with a lot of people over the years. They gave her the ultimate ball to run with in her last push-a 7+ month reign as the champion in her division. The general feeling in the WWE is that their female draws are Trish, Torrie, Lita and Stacy. The Women's Division is not considered a draw, which is good...because it is not. As the main player in that division for 7+ months, whatever lack of overness the Division currently suffers from could-fairly-be attributed to bad booking, bad writing, and yes...the entertainment failings of its longest running champion. The WWE gave Molly the ball. Trish did something with it when it was passed to her, and tried to entertain. Even Victoria tried to do something, and-even though her current intro is lame and stupid-I still give her credit for trying to do something...even though the WWE has told her repeatedly to cut it out. Maybe the WWE should give Victoria an anti-authority gimmick...I think its cool that she is still trying to do something while keeping her original brainchild intact. Now...what did Molly do? (an even better question is, 'what was Molly allowed to do?' ...but I am in the process of issuing a polemic here.) OTHER THAN THE FACT THAT SHE WAS A CHAMPION FOR OVER 7 MONTHS, THERE WAS NOTHING MEMORABLE OR REALLY INTERESTING ABOUT HER CHARACTER TO ANYBODY OTHER THAN MOLLY HOLLYS' FANS...and believe you me, the casual fans outnumber us...and I don't hink Molly entertained them. Where was her memorable entrance-theme? Where was her kick-ass catch phrase? Where was her kick-ass signature move? Her finish? Where was her memorable feud? She kept bouncing around from one babyface to the next, with no rhyme or reason. Come on...where was all of this stuff?
Second, Molly doesn't have the look. She just looks like some average woman. She has her 'pillow-puffy arms' (took that from someone on the nora-world.org tagboard) and a really fat ass-which I like, even if I am doling out a polemic here!!! None of this is doing me any good, because she won't shake it, and she won't show it. Come on...do like the REAL talented women of the WWE do, like Trish and Torrie and Lita and Stacy. Do like THEY do, and beat us over the head with your sexuality. It's the only way to make up for your bland look!!!
Okay...hopefully I didn't piss anybody off...too much. The whole point of what I just did, a polemic, is to purposely say EXACTLY what I know you people DON'T want to hear, to inspire thought or an argument. I don't actually believe the second part-the part referring to her looks. There's nothing wrong with her look. The first part, however..? I don't know. I was adamantly opposed to that view...until I started writing this issue, and got to thinking. Did Molly actually make the best of her opportunity when it was presented to her? I don't know. The WWE has given her the ball on more than a few occasions...and I keep coming up with a long line of WWE women who were more memorable in their pushes than Molly was in hers. There are a lot of reasons for this, chief among which may be the WWE sabotaging her efforts to do something cool on T.V....but then, why would they keep giving her the ball to begin with? I don't know. I still say her most memorable angles-though not necessarily my favorites-were Spike 'n' Molly and Mighty Molly...and those were a few years ago. The moral of the story..? Maybe Molly is as good as she is going to ever get...in the WWE as constituted right now. If she is going to become a draw, then she needs more airtime, more promo-time and her matches have to be a little longer...against a higher caliber of opponent...which means-unless she is going to start working with the men-the talent level of your average WWE Diva is going to have to sharply improve (hear that Nidia, Stacy, Torrie and Lita?). Oh, Alexis Laree and Jillian Hall...where ARE you?
For this week only, the Mollyopoly Steak-Ums Sting of The Night will not be brought to you by the friendly folks from Steak-Ums Corp. Instead, the Sting of The Night will be brought to us by the equally friendly folks from Invasion of The Neptune Men. I give to you:
THE ROW-G PANTY COMPLEX STING OF THE NIGHT:
(*This one is from the stupid KILLER WORM movie 'Squirm')
'Uh, huh, huh!!! You ain't got no good-way to go, boy! She's mine!!! She always wuz mine!!! An' now you comin' down here and you spoil everything? You the one's gonna be spoiled. You gonna be the worm-face!!!"
It's lines like these, usually delivered in 70's movies featuring wildlife that have nothing better to do with their time than hunt down and devour stupid humans (in this case, worms...that roar and catch people and eat them. Routinely...),that give me a terminal case of the Row-G Panty Complex. Oh, the itching...the horrible burning..!
Take it easy.
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