Exclusives | Columns | Arlando | Issue #10
It's YOUR main event...the main event you wanted..! It's HHH vs. Eugene. There was a run in by the World Heavyweight Champ-een, Chris Benoit (remember him?), and he mistakingly hit Eugene upside the head with a steel chair. Assaulting the mentally handicapped! Funny!!!

I didn't feel like talking much about HHH and Eugene. The WWE is going to saturate its Monday evening programming with them? Fine...but I don't have to write about them. I did enough of that in issue # 9.

That's it. That's Raw. Wanna know more? Well, I want to know whether Tyrannosaurus rex was a scavenger or an active hunter AND I want to know whether or not Spinosaurus aegyptiacus, Baryonyx walkeri, Suchomimus (Baryonyx?) tenerensis and Irritator challengeri were part-time piscivores or if they were obligate piscivores. But we can't all get what we waaaaaaaant, now can we?

THE PORTION OF THE COLUMN THAT PUTS THE MOLLY IN MOLLYOPOLY

I don't care what anyone says: It was nice seeing Molly smiling that big, ole' smile of hers just before Rocky pulled the wig gag on her. Thank The Rock for putting some of that underused mid-card talent in all of his angles and promos over the last year and a half or so, and thank god for Mollys' big, ole' toothy grin!!!

(*Oooops...I almost forgot. The theme music for TPOTCTPTMIM is 'Rhymes of an Hour' from Mazzy Star. Don't like this? It's okay...you are probably the type of person that would call your mom a liberation theologist and then throw a punch and run, so it all balances out!!!)

Maybe it's time to turn Molly. She needs something new...she needs to be a face. Of course, I COULD be jumping the gun. Maybe what she needs is to be on T.V. consistently. Lita will probably turn in the next month or so, and she will probably need somebody other than Matt to feud with. Anything would be better than what we get now. 3.5 matches on Raw. 3.5 matches on a two-hour and five minute program. Anybody notice that the two longest matches had Evolution members in them? Anybody notice how HHH got over on Benoit again-even though he has not been directly involved with him in some while? Benoit is currently not getting what one should be getting when you are a World Champion. Hopefully, that changes.

Hopefully, this changes too: Anybody remember how, before the roster split, how the WWE was able to squeeze out almost everyone on the roster consistently between Raw, SD and SNH? Now, they can only book 4 matches? This is a damned shame.I know everyone can't shine at once, but this is ridiculous. This is lame. This is for the birds. What happened to WWE booking? I'll tell you what happened, and it involves 5 words. WCW. ECW. Bought By WWE.

Of course, we're gonna get what the WWE decides to give us, as vs. the WWE giving us a top-to-bottom good show. There's no competition. Lack of competition is a killer...it kills the incentive to produce quality. The WWE looks as good as it ever has,what with their state-of-the-art video packages, and the glitzy production that goes into Raw. However, the WWE is at the state they were in in late '97 and '98...putting out a 2+ hour show where you get to see a little bit of wrestling...and a whole lot of talking.

And as for the Women in the WWE? Look, the only way they are going to get over as workers is if they are actually working. What a novel concept for the WWE to ruminate upon in the upcoming months. Hmmmmmm. We've got a Women's Title, and the pretext of a Women's Division. Let's find consistent airtime for it!!! And believe me...it's not that the WWE can't find time for it. They just don't find time for it.

Where are the women at on The WWE Experience? I'm not talking about Ivory, I'm talking about women being featured in the segments. Why are they recapping Raw and SD at 7:00 in the morning? Don't they have Afterburn and The Bottom Line for that? Shouldn't a show CALLED The Experience actually cover some of the experience of the WWE? This would be a great place to run featurettes on these women, and let us get acquainted with some of them. Look at what I just came up with...another way to get all of the women some airtime, and it doesn't even involve them actually WORKING!!!

THE STEAK-UMS STING OF THE NIGHT

' So now...the Row-G Panty Complex' I swear that I'm not making this up. I was watching some movie called 'Invasion of The Neptune Men' and some random Japanese scientist/insterstellar guardian named Tabana/Space-Chief(?!?) said this...for no reason. This movie was made in the late 50's-early 60's...back when funny things used to happen whenever the Japanese tried to make a movie. This movie featured aliens blowing up a Hitler Building in downtown Japan...for some reason.

Later.

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