Step two here is Mollys' moveset. Nick brought this up in his column, and all his points were good ones. Notice how the only move Molly gets in in every match is that camel-clutch where she pulls at her opponents' face? She gets the handspring back elbow in every now and then, but in the infancy of title-run # 2, Molly was using a bunch of moves (slams, tandem powerbombs) that she isn't using now. I've heard that Molly taught Victoria the Widow's Peak. It would not surprise me to find out that she also taught Gail Kim the 'Satellite Manuever' (the headscissors/armbar combo). Why don't WE get to see more of what she can do? Why? Because she might STEAL THE SHOW? Molly also needs a new finish. The Molly-Go-Round is a babyface move. She needs something heelish, something sinister. Something akin to the naked choke she used on Victoria a few weeks back...or something like the modified backbreaker that Christian used to use regularly (come to think of it, I haven't seen Christian use that move in almost a year!). I like the last one the best. It's simple, and she can put it on any of the females, and Molly can execute the move without hurting anyone. She could even play up the strong points of the state where she was born and bred and call the move' Feeling Minnesota' (another lame Keanu Reeves flick, I know). I can see it. Standing over some waylaid, overmatched Diva who just took this finisher, and saying 'Can you feel it? Can you feel Minnesota now? Boy, I bet it SUCKS to be you just now' It would even be cool if the Hurricane were to simply allow Molly to use the Vertebreaker. Know what would be cooler? If the WWE were to simply stop holding back talent not named HHH or HBK, and letting them work matches to the best of their ability, using all their skills and know-how to put on the best performance possible...whether they steal the show or not. I bet Chris Jericho would concur with this last statement. When are we really going to get to see what the women in general-and Molly, Gail and Victoria in particular-can do? Case in point: Molly has a variety of tremendous aerial manuevers, she is ACTUALLY a tremendous high-flier (so is Gail Kim for that matter. She has been referred to as a female version of Rey Mysterio). Other than both of these two ladies' respective finishes (The Molly-Go-Round and Gails' 'Satellite Manuever, when do they EVER do anything high-flying? Oooops...I forgot. The whole 'high-flying' gimmick belongs to a certain WWE redhead. Molly should get to use as many moves as she sees fit to use, within the framework of the match. She was trained by Dean Malenko, it might be cool if he were to make a television appearance to proclaim Molly the 'WOMAN of A Thousand Holds' as a precursor to a new and deeper moveset...and an introduction to the 'wrestling-first' version of Molly.
(*Note: I don't mean that as a slight against Lita. I dig Lita. Lita doesn't make ANY decisions on ANYTHING that goes on in the WWE...especially these days. It's just that the WWE sees the aerial gimmick as being Lita's gimmick, and heaven forbid if there is any more than one female high-flier in the WWE, apparently)
Step 3. Something over the top and completely unexpected as a gimmick for a female worker: driving a car to the ring. Why not? Stone Cold, Eddie Guerrero,and even John Bradshaw Layfield have done it or are doing it. I mean really, how boss and cool would Molly look sitting behind the wheel of a 1950 Mercury at ringside? Am I alone here? I hope not. Molly has repeatedly disclosed her love for classic cars, and the WWE could capitalize on that and try to make some money off of this by actually USING it. Guys love sweaty chicks with big guns...why not chicks with big muscle cars? It would go a long way towards making her look more cool and tough...and she would get to show more of her personality AND get to indulge herself in her big hobby on air! That could be VERY cool. She could probably take Diva of the Year doing that...but she's NOT a Diva. She is the Anti-Diva...and is so much the better for it.
The last step in Add-Ons and Accoutrements is something that Molly has not used (not been ALLOWED to use?) in months: The CatchPhrase. Sure, she had the whole 'I am pure and wholesome' shtick during the Prudish-Molly Era, but that was some while ago. She needs one now, if for no other reason than to give her more 'ummmphhhh' when she makes an entrance, and it could give the fans something cool to associate with her...if the catchphrase were any good. Admittedly, I don't have a whole lot of GOOD ideas. If any of you people who read 'Mollyopoly' have any ideas, I'd like to hear them. The one that sticks out in my mind is Molly getting to display a little of her egotism by stating to some random, overmatched Diva that 'Sucks to be YOU!' Sucks to be you. Sucks to be you. Hmmmm. That's a start, if nothing else.
STEP FOUR IN BUILDING THE PERFECT MOLLY: RISING PROPERTY VALUES
('Wilful waste brings woeful want' Thomas Fuller, Gnomologia No. 5755)
In theory, a stronger Molly Holly could have a trickle-down effect on the Women's Division, but we know the opposite has ALWAYS happened...when one woman gets The Push, all the other women get pushed DOWN. It's what happens when you only devote 5-10 minutes a week on the Women's Division. If you read Mollyopoly 6, then you probably saw the rundown of WWE programming and the amount of airtime the Women's Division gets on a weekly basis. If you did not, then again: if you took both SD shows (SD and Velocity) and The WWE Experience (which should be the ONLY recap show, in my opinion), then you still have 5 hours and 5 minutes (305 minutes) of WWE programming available per week. Unfortunately, for the ladies, their matches tend to take up no more than 13 minutes per week...and 13 minutes is GENEROUS lately. In other words, 96 percent of the time, if you are watching WWE programming, you are NOT seeing an original match between two or more female WWE workers. I think the women (and the cruiserweights) should get their own show. Really, could they do any WORSE than Afterburn or Bottom Line (or The Experience, for that matter) ratings-wise? If I was gonna put together a women's show, I would air it on Saturday, I would call it WWE MissBehaved, the women would have the Women's title, a tag-title and a midcard belt to shoot for; air-time; exposure and the incentive to sink or swim. Of course, before I could do ANY of THAT, I would have to make a commitment to finding and training GREAT FEMALE WRESTLERS...and not waste my time with some silly Diva Search.
STEP FIVE IN BUILDING THE PERFECT MOLLY: ...AND JUSTICE FOR ALL
('Justice is truth in action' Benjamin Disraeli, Speech, February 11,1851)
I am going to do something that I don't normally do in Mollyopoly... I'm going to make this brief. I think Molly deserves a LOT MORE than she has gotten since WMXX. The wig and chinstrap ain't cuttin' it. Again: MOLLY HOLLY DESERVES A LOT MORE THAN SHE HAS GOTTEN SINCE WMXX.
STEP SIX IN BUILDING THE PERFECT MOLLY: AN ICE-COLD BEER
('Gimme back my alcohol' Nirvana, 'Scoff' from the album, Bleach)
Ahhhhhh...done at LAST. I have now built the perfect Molly. I can now pat myself on the back, and if I ever drank at all (which I don't), I would have an ice-cold beer and demand that everyone pat me on the back as vigorously as I just did.
Take it easy.
(*Note: I just want to say in closing that Penny Dreadful and Jillian Hall (Macaela Mercedes) ROCK...the most cogent factor in my argument being that this is true. If you disagree with me-in any way-then you are wrong)
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