Exclusives | Columns | Arlando | Issue #5
What do you get when you fall from grace? You apparently get to wear an old-school Morgan Fairchild wig and serve as Gail Kims' valet!!! Yep, that's what Molly gets these days. I realize that Molly puts the team first, her own goals are very secondary, and that's fine. I respect her for that. I would be VERY suprised, however, to find out that she is a big fan of ANYTHING that she's doing lately.I like Gail. I really do. She has a good look, and there is talent there. But she clearly isn't ready. It's why WWE crowds do not respond to her, and it's why she blows at least one big spot per match, and it's why her work looked so sloppy tonight. Maybe she needs to be sent down to OVW. I just think it sends a bad message when Ivory, Jacqueline Moore and Dawn Marie can't get any T.V. time (unless you're doing a recap show at 7:00 a.m. on Sunday mornings!), and don't get to work a match. It sends a really bad message when Molly has been COMPLETELY NO-SOLD by the current and capable WWE Women's Champion Victoria, and Victoria is forced to do a clean job to Mollys' understudy(using that really cool-looking headscissors-armbar combo she has used for the last two weeks)? I like Gail, it just sucks that the WWE reserves about 5-6 minutes a week on Raw for the Women's Division, and they make it worse with THIS kind of booking. And for Gail, it sucks that one of about 4 promos I've heard from her since she started in the WWE gets INTERRUPTED by Victoria's entrance theme (she now has a new TitanTron). Oh, man. It just sucks all-around right now for the three of them. Maybe these three can do boyfriend-gimmicks like Trish and Lita and get some real airtime...I know, Molly can hook back up with Spike (or 'Cane), Vicky can rekindle the fire with Steven and Gail can resume her tryst with Bischoff (remember THAT lame angle? It was almost as lame as Bischoff carrying a torch for Linda McMahon in a truly stupid and NASTY angle).ENOUGH. Pis aller!!! This is the worst.

Anyway, the match. I've seen Gail Kim have some good matches. She had a good one in October of 2003 against Lita. She had another good one a month or so later against Trish Stratus. Her match with Victoria was slow, with Victoria letting The Matrix Diva dominate most of the match. And in fairness to Gail, she's not the only one who screws up moves (like Victorias' aborted attempt at a military press). All told, Gail narrowly missed damaging Victoria's grill with a botched legdrop to the back of Vickys' head, and sold a series of punches from Vicky very sloppily...just before slapping that headscissors/armbar combo submission on The Women's Champion and forcing a submission!!! It's stuff like THIS that makes Gail Kim a most intriguing WWE Diva. If she can pull it all together, well...she can't save the Women's Division-none of the current WWE crop can. But she sure could help.

My Top 10 WWE Divas (not counting Molly, who is no Diva and so much the better for it)
10:Jacquelyn
9: Stacey Keibler
8: Gail Kim
7: Jackie Gayda
6: Lita
5: Jazz
4: Dawn Marie
3: Victoria
2: Trish Stratus
1: Ivory
(Honorary Mention: Sharmell Sullivan)

INSTALLMENT TWO OF 'HEY, YOUR INTRO-THEME SUCKS'
Gail Kim, please. The TitanTron is your friend and it does RIGHT by YOU by looking cool. Know what defeats a decent entrance? A lame entrance theme. Please look into something new, something cool, how about 'Angel' from Massive Attack, for starters? Not your taste? Then try 'Low Place Like Home' (Sneaker Pimps). Victoria, COME, COME, NOW. You ROCK. So WHY do you persist in coming out to T.A.T.U. ? Three simple words: Veruca Salt. 'Shutterbug.' And Edge? Oh, boy. Change your music. Now. Please.

Some comedy angles with Eugene and William Regal (with a cameo from Dr. Tom Pritchard). I'll give this angle about a month. If it can grab me within that amount of time, I'll give it some love. If not...anyway, we learn that Eugene is a seasoned practitioner of several forms of catch-as-catch-can grappling, as he embarrasses Regal. However, the REAL star of this 80's inspired skit was the stone-faced, maddogin' HHH water bottle. We also learn that nobody,but NOBODY can sit in a skybox and grin QUITE like Vincent K. McMahon.

Easy E. and Johnny Nitro come out and make an announcement that next week, Chris and Christian will face off in a 15-foot high steel cage.It should be noted that at 15-feet, the height of the steel cage is just slightly greater than the hip-height of Tyrannosaurus rex and Tyrannosaurus (Tarbosaurus) bataar. It should also be noted that, while Bischoff and Nitro came out together (that sounds really bad), Bischoff made the announcement. Johnny Nitro just came out and stood there and looked extra-smarmy. Nitro has loads more potential than his namesake does...probably because his namesake, the old WCW Monday Nitro, is defunct. In any case, I am interested to see if John Hennigan can do more than just follow Eric Bischoff around.

And, in case you forgot, as pertains to Bischoff, I offer this: 'I'm back! And Better than Ever..!'

Ahhhh...finally...the main event.
WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE MATCH:
The Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels(HBK) vs. the Champion, the Canadian Crippler, the Rabid Wolverine, Chris Benoit (CCRWCB).

This was one INCREDIBLE match. These two just don't disappoint at all. They started out with two lockups that the referee had to break up, indeed, they set a tone for this match early on, and that TONE was INTENSITY. Early on, Benoit sneaked in his finish, but both times, HBK managed to escape the Crossface. Then they cut immediately to commercial, and they came back with more intensity as HBK and Benoit moved it up to another level. I'll tell you what, if the WWE can give me a PPV with these two headlining a ONE-ON-ONE matchup, I would seriously consider purchasing it. Anyway, the finish was a let-down as HHH stormed the ring after the inevitable referee bump, finished off Michaels with The Pedigree, Benoit picked up the win, and it served to set up a proposed 'final encounter' between the two at Bad Blood...reportedly, in a Hell in a Cell match.

And how did sports entertainment fare in the Valley of The Sun? Somehow, Raws' ratings managed to DROP from last week's Raw...despite the extra buildup.

THE PORTION OF THE COLUMN WHERE I SHAMELESSLY PUT MOLLY HOLLY OVER

(*Note: The theme music for this weeks' edition of TPOTCWISPMHO is 'Bullet the Blue Sky' by U2)

Now, in the first batch of columns I've written, I've spent a lot of time focusing on Nora Greenwald's natural good looks. That is not hard to do.This week I'm going to focus on some of the things I'd like to see in-ring (and, of course, these things will never happen)-but really quickly just let me say that Molly Holly looks much, much better than Victoria's Secret model Adriana Lima. I also realized that I forgot completely about Vanessa Williams, so Molly has dropped to #4-just behind Halle Berry, Sofia Vergara and now, Vanessa Williams, who takes the top spot, because its the right thing to do...the most cogent factor in my argument being that this is the truth. I will say that Molly possesses an ability to enchant that they lack.Molly is also better at what she does than they are at what they do.

Speaking of 'being better', the current situation with Molly is a letdown. The WWE dropped the ball (and continues to drop it) regarding Mollys' lack of scalp-related integument, and despite harsh words from Jim Ross and Ric Flair within the last week or so regarding fans-'smart' and otherwise-one of the few powers WWE viewers have is the ability to VOICE THEIR DISSENT. I don't remember the WWE harboring such fears when they helped lead the charge in the industrys' collectively breaking kayfabe. It was ALL good for business back then. You let the fans in on the trade secrets to break in the 'Attitude Era' and turn the WWE into a global money-making machine, and now the monster is unleashed. That monster is the internet, and what a tool for voicing dissent it truly is. So TO HELL with what some people in the WWE think of their fans, their marks, they can go STRAIGHT TO HELL...because certain WWE workers-and Nora Greenwald is one of the main ones-seem to truly ENJOY the fans.That is the real nature of my gripe regarding her current role. It's as though I don't get a chance to enjoy her in return, because her current gimmick is for the birds and her current job of 'babysitting' Gail Kim is shameful. When certain people in the WWE stop holding other workers down, when certain workers are allowed to work matches to the best of their ability as versus toning it completely down so that only some of the main-event guys shine, then I might not bitch and complain about the WWE product. Honestly? The only reason I watch the WWE these days, the only reason is the Y2J/Christian/Trish feud and to see if the WWE will finally REWARD Molly for her willingness to be a team-player and her abilities as a wrestler and put her in a MEANINGFUL ANGLE, with some opponents who aren't TOTALLY green, and maybe reward her with some kind of MEANINGFUL push. I'm sure Sable and Torrie and Stacy wouldn't be asked to get their hair cut off. I'm not against the Shaving angle, I am totally 100% AGAINST the fact that it was completely USELESS. Molly had her ring time cut in half, didn't cut ONE promo regarding her baldness, and had to work most of her matches with workers who were green and/or not over. It didn't do squat for Victoria either. I would be okay with Molly getting shuffled off to the rear if at least Victoria got something out of it...but nyet. Nada. Nothing.I guess the rub was a diss, because Vicky got to cut ZERO promos, and she spent most of the time after WMXX off of television. You've no-sold your Champ and her nemesis. Great job, WWE. Congrats, all around. Really.

What's worse is you take someone like Gail Kim, who is more sloppy now than Molly was in her WCW days, and you give Gail Kim the promo that Molly never got. Molly could have a scatological fetish and Victoria could worship Satan himself and I wouldn't care...as long as they can perform. Everything taking place right now is a hindrance to that. Think about it, what is one of the main gripes people have with women's wrestling?

They can't do the moves. THEY SCREW UP THE MOVES. Well, that's what Gail does on the regular, and her being on Raw, working with the top two women in the Women's Division, continues to advance that stereotype.

It gets worse. I understand that the WWE has signed Hirohito's wife for something like $275 thou a year. Unless she can wrestle rings around Molly, Ivory, Jacqueline, Jazz and Trish, I don't see how she could possibly be worth that much. And the WWE would say the same about their divas...most of them don't make that kind of money. One of the problems is how some of the WORKERS perceive that pushes should happen...case in point, Nidia. She got her nose done, AND she got the standard WWE Diva boobjob and she has the nerve to be upset that she isn't getting a bigger push.

Think about that.

She's not upset because she busted her ass and became a great worker, and has done everything the company has asked of her and she now just wants wants her piece of the proverbial pie...which she would be ENTITLED to if her situation included any of the details I just outlined above. She's MAD because she went under the knife and got her breasts done and now...she should be pushed? ???... ?!?

This is part of the problem.
Anyway, to end this week on a positive note...I don't know Noreen Greenwald. I am pretty sure that I'll never meet her. With that said, hearing some of the things said about her from people who have been fortunate enough TO meet her, I can safely say that certain WWE 'Superstars' should be ashamed of themselves for some of the things they say about the fans. Noreen Greenwald exemplifies what an entertainer SHOULD be, and I think in some respects, what a person should strive to be. One of the things I would like to see with Molly is for her to come out with a gimmick that would involve some of those classic muscle-cars that she loves so much. I can see it, I really can...Molly pulling up into the arena every week in one, and playing up that tough-as-nails...yet cute-as-all-get-out shtick that she has. It worked for Los Guerreros...why not her? I hope the plans aren't to book her as a psycho...just book her as being mad as hell that-thanks to Vickys' handiwork (the FIEND!!!), Molly has to walk around looking like she thought long and hard about being the BEST she could be...and joined the Army. Molly is no joke whatsoever. Book her that way. I don't want to see her as crazy...unless the WWE plans to rip off Deniro's Travis Bickle from 'Taxi Driver'. Then I'm all for it. She wouldn't be just crazy then-just kind of a FUN crazy. Nora Greenwald has more charm than any 10 people should have the right to have, and she gives it like a gift.

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